It's been a long time since I've blogged anything. But I find that I am able to focus and slow down a little when I get my thoughts out. So here goes. I'll try to keep it up better than I have in the past.
My 30th birthday last week was a bit anticlimactic. I feel like maybe it's a bit my fault. I like being recognized on my birthday, but I don't like having too much attention, such as a huge party focused on me. At my 9th birthday, I threw up at my roller-skating birthday party. Too much cake, too much skating, maybe I was actually sick? I'm not sure, but it left it's scar. Since then, I actually get nauseous anytime there is a big party and I'm the focus. That's one reason why I am glad Hieu's birthday is so close to mine. We have our annual Hibachi birthday dinner mid-November and share the spotlight, and I don't feel like all eyes are on me.
An ideal birthday day would be me being able to sleep in until 7:30 or 8, hearing the words, "Happy Birthday" first thing when I wake up, getting a little gift, eating breakfast with my family and getting outside and going on a birthday hike at Oak Canyon Nature Center. Eating a picnic lunch, heading home and taking a family nap, then going out to sushi dinner with Hieu at night. That would be perfect. BUT... I didn't plan that or even voice it. So, I've learned my lesson, and next year I'll be specific so I'm not left feeling blue on my birthday.
Anyways, other than that, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. Brian's age is so much fun, but I also find myself losing my patience easily, snapping and yelling a lot. Brian pushes his boundaries all the time, has endless energy, and it seems like the more I try to burn off his energy, the more wound up and energetic he gets. He DOES.NOT.STOP. He's been refusing to nap lately, which makes extra snippy. I need that time for a break, usually to work on my homework, study, clean and maybe try to sneak in a nap as well. But I don't get that break, and I'm starting to crack.
I went to a wonderful parenting workshop and one thing the speaker emphasized was the importance of self care. Go to bed early, exercise, eat well. Give yourself "me time" to re-energize. When you feel good, its much easier to be patient and respond rather than react. But its hard for me to go to bed early when I have classes at night, when I have to do all my homework at night because he doesn't nap during the day, when Hieu also wants (and deserves) quality time with his wife. It's hard to exercise when Hieu goes to work early in the morning (because he is awesome and supporting me through school by going to work early so he can get off early so he can be with Brian and I can go to class). I don't know when I can have any "me-time" because whatever available time I have, I try to devote to going to Deaf events, workshops, and studying. I need to find a way to take care of myself, but I don't know how, without it taking away from my family or study. So, I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm feeling guilty, I'm feeling like I'm not truly succeeding at anything. I'm not the best mom, the best wife, or the best student. I'm mediocre at everything and that just makes me blue.
So, that's where I'm at right now. Hopefully I can figure this all out and find a way to be a better mom, better wife, better student and better me.
Ah, it's so hard to juggle all of the above isn't it?? I feel ya. One if the things I'm trying to do as I juggle mommyhoid, wufey, teacher, and self-care, is that I look at the month rather than the week, and see when & how I can maintain the juggle monthly, because there's no way on earth to do all those things daily or weekly (for me). And grace when I fall short, and to learn for the next month. Also, being efficient and open to creative ways of meeting the above needs is fun...i watch what other busy moms do to give me creative, different ideas.
ReplyDeleteBlessings to you Katie!!
And yes, it's never too early to plan your next bday! :)