December!

Whoops. a whole month passed by without me updating. It was a busy month, but thankfully (hopefully) I survived this first semester getting my feet wet in interpreting. I just had my final last Tuesday, and it went terribly, but I'm sure I still passed the class even if I bombed the final. Skating by was obviously not my intention when I started the interpreting class, but it was freaking hard, and I put so much time and effort into it. Unfortunately, there's just not a lot of other classes to prepare me for interpreting, so it's one of those sink or swim programs. I may not be sprinting, but I kept my head above water, and I'm proud of myself for that.

Over the winter break, I'll be starting a North Orange County study group, so we'll be meeting each week to dictionary crawl and do other activities to build our vocabulary and knowledge in the language. I also plan on attending small group ASL lessons through a private Deaf teacher during the month of January. I hope to attend at least one workshop and go to as many Deaf events as possible. This past semester I realized my biggest weakness is my lack of lexicon. There's really only so much vocabulary I learn in class, and the rest I have to learn on my own. I'm getting the hang of ASL grammar, but without enough vocabulary to back it, I really struggle. So I'm hoping that with all I plan to do over the break, I can hit the ground running come spring semester.

On to other news, Brian has reached the age where the Christmas season is truly magical. It pretty much started the evening of Halloween, as I was tucking Brian into bed. He asked me, "Halloween is over, now it's Christmas?" He had seen the Christmas decorations already coming out, and I kept telling him that we had to have Halloween first. I didn't want to cut in front of Thanksgiving, but Brian's exuberance for all things Christmas just overflowed into our day to day interactions and we've been enjoying Christmas songs, sounds, smells, tastes and sights much earlier than I anticipated. Instead of the usual "bah humbug" that I feel in November, I've embraced Brian's enthusiasm and truly enjoyed seeing the excitement in Brian.

Some of the fun Christmas-y things we enjoy include Knott's Merry Farm, Disneyland all decked out (we have passes now!), singing along to Christmas songs in the car, watching A Charlie Brown Christmas almost every single day, reading Christmas stories, and just recently visiting Santa in the mall.

I wish I had been allowed to record Brian's visit with Santa. It was so magical that you could have convinced me that Santa was real. We went to Crystal Court at South Coast Plaza and there was literally no line, which meant quality time with the Big Red Man. Brian ran up and gave him a hug, talked to him about all things Christmas, and started singing Jingle Bells. Santa joined in with his big jolly deep voice and they sang together. It was one of those moments where you try to just be present, enjoy and sear it into your memory. I wasn't planning on taking or buying pictures because I hadn't dressed Brian up and I didn't want to pay money that day, but the photographer did snap a picture mid-conversation (I think when Brian excitedly exclaimed that he wanted "EVERYTHING!" for Christmas) that I had to buy the picture. It was just a perfect visit.

He also dictated a letter for me to write to Santa. We didn't write it until after his visit with Santa, so we didn't read it to Santa. Probably a good thing because it's really random and some things don't make much sense. He's got a few Charlie Brown references in there ("holiday feast," "holding hands under the table" and "kicking the football") and he's also got some random 3-year old silliness ("I want you to go down the water bottle" <- he thought that was the funniest thing. Weird kid.)

It's only December 6th, but we've been enjoying the Christmas season for awhile now. I'm glad that my semester is over and I can be more present with my family. Hieu and I are hoping to enjoy some more date nights and quality time together. I still plan on studying hard over the break, but the stress of assignments and tests are over for now, and what a gift that is.

Gonna Start Blogging Again

It's been a long time since I've blogged anything. But I find that I am able to focus and slow down a little when I get my thoughts out. So here goes. I'll try to keep it up better than I have in the past.

My 30th birthday last week was a bit anticlimactic. I feel like maybe it's a bit my fault. I like being recognized on my birthday, but I don't like having too much attention, such as a huge party focused on me. At my 9th birthday, I threw up at my roller-skating birthday party. Too much cake, too much skating, maybe I was actually sick? I'm not sure, but it left it's scar. Since then, I actually get nauseous anytime there is a big party and I'm the focus. That's one reason why I am glad Hieu's birthday is so close to mine. We have our annual Hibachi birthday dinner mid-November and share the spotlight, and I don't feel like all eyes are on me.

An ideal birthday day would be me being able to sleep in until 7:30 or 8, hearing the words, "Happy Birthday" first thing when I wake up, getting a little gift, eating breakfast with my family and getting outside and going on a birthday hike at Oak Canyon Nature Center. Eating a picnic lunch, heading home and taking a family nap, then going out to sushi dinner with Hieu at night. That would be perfect. BUT... I didn't plan that or even voice it. So, I've learned my lesson, and next year I'll be specific so I'm not left feeling blue on my birthday.

Anyways, other than that, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. Brian's age is so much fun, but I also find myself losing my patience easily, snapping and yelling a lot. Brian pushes his boundaries all the time, has endless energy, and it seems like the more I try to burn off his energy, the more wound up and energetic he gets. He DOES.NOT.STOP. He's been refusing to nap lately, which makes extra snippy. I need that time for a break, usually to work on my homework, study, clean and maybe try to sneak in a nap as well. But I don't get that break, and I'm starting to crack.

I went to a wonderful parenting workshop and one thing the speaker emphasized was the importance of self care. Go to bed early, exercise, eat well. Give yourself "me time" to re-energize. When you feel good, its much easier to be patient and respond rather than react. But its hard for me to go to bed early when I have classes at night, when I have to do all my homework at night because he doesn't nap during the day, when Hieu also wants (and deserves) quality time with his wife. It's hard to exercise when Hieu goes to work early in the morning (because he is awesome and supporting me through school by going to work early so he can get off early so he can be with Brian and I can go to class). I don't know when I can have any "me-time" because whatever available time I have, I try to devote to going to Deaf events, workshops, and studying. I need to find a way to take care of myself, but I don't know how, without it taking away from my family or study. So, I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm feeling guilty, I'm feeling like I'm not truly succeeding at anything. I'm not the best mom, the best wife, or the best student. I'm mediocre at everything and that just makes me blue.

So, that's where I'm at right now. Hopefully I can figure this all out and find a way to be a better mom, better wife, better student and better me.